Live and Love. Be Proud. Be Free.

By: Gus Victoria

The past week has been quite important for millions of gay people in this country and the many millions more that proudly call themselves friends and are family to them. The great joy in the Supreme Court’s decision to deem Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional was palpable. Sometimes it takes great moments like this to realize simultaneously how far we have come and how far we have yet to go. A victory, even one such as this, should not distract us from the still sad reality that for many people, in many states, the ruling did very little if anything at all. Also it cannot easily bridge the gap caused by those who with either ignorance or hate choose to deny to some of their fellow citizens a natural and just right; the freedom to love and profess through mutual  lifelong commitment that love regardless of sex.

Those who would redefine marriage do so without an understanding of what marriage is and a depressingly active trivializing of love. To cite God and a sacred scripture as the grounds for that action is wrong on several levels. Firstly it blatantly shows a willfully malicious and selective reading of holy texts. Secondly, it disregards the very clear principle of separation of Church and State that this country was founded upon. Third, and to me, most tragic, it dehumanizes those it seeks to control by labeling them sinners and not acknowledging a very real love.

Love is ancient. It is the fabric of human nature that binds us all to each other and beauty. The divine essence is love and we all carry it within ourselves. From this fount springs forth compassion, empathy, joy, hope, and faith. No one is born with hate in their hearts. Hate is learned. Hate is not the opposite force of love. Hate does not oppose love. Hate inhabits an empty house. It can only be sown where love is not. There it grows if allowed to, if fed more hate. Until of course, inevitably, it becomes a force unto itself. Even then, a true love that delivers in its light understanding can banish the darkness cast by hate.

Marriage, as those behind such an oppressive act of government want it to be understood, is fairly recent and it has nothing to do with love. A marriage in that regard is a simple legal contract. It was created for purposes of inheritance and politics. Its purpose was financial and political. Love rarely if ever figured. If marriage then, taken in that context of a legal contract, is such then there can be no question as to its legality between same-sex couples. Religion plays no part and to deny such legal protection to one portion of the citizenry is against both the laws and principles this country was founded upon.

If Biblical scripture is used to define by some argument of precedent or natural law that such a union must be between one man and one woman it  ignores much. It chooses a few passages throughout the entire work while ignoring many other laws deemed unnecessary, inconvenient, or outdated. Also it chooses to focus, with detrimental effect, on a tiny portion while missing the entirety of the message contained in the rest of the work; that love prevails above all.  Adherents can love, but if someone chooses to love someone of the same sex, no matter how sincere that affection may be, they are by necessity and without argument wrong.  I must allow myself to be wrong for how can I learn and grow if I know everything already? Yet, even in those things I feel right about, I cannot allow myself to use that conviction to deny others their rights. Truth stands on its own and demands no further defense.

It is faith in that truth that must ground our convictions. That indeed love will prevail and those that seek to stop two men from marrying, or two women, will inevitably lose. That marriage will be redefined from its imperfect birth as a cynical legal contract to that which it has always been destined to be; an outward manifestation of an inner truth to be celebrated by those friends and family of the happy couple.

As we celebrate Pride this day and every day. As we mourn those whose lives have been cut short by the depression and weight of unacceptance. As we look to a brighter future let us not lose sight that it does get better. It WILL get better, if only we let love guide us. Hate imprisons most harshly he that originates it. Spread love and be free!

Pink Toenails

(originally posted May 16, 2011)

Fox News is a silly thing. I tend to ignore it more often than not. To me that entertainment network has equal journalistic credentials as the Weekly World News. And while the Weekly World News may tell me that the Loch Ness Monster’s third cousin is living in an abandoned UFO at the bottom of a lake in Minnesota with the brain of Hitler in a jar that gives prophecies in the form of pie recipes what I WONT find is the kind of crazy Fox News puts forth.

Recently there was an ad put forth by J Crew that showed their Creative Director, Jenna Lyons painting her son’s toenails a bright pink. In the picture you can see a nice, tender, loving and fun moment shared between mother and son. That there is reaction beyond that is surprising to me. But oh boy is there. Fox News leads the charge of course, but they are not alone. Without pointing too many fingers (I only have ten after all and that’s simply not enough) I have to say that the very idea that such an act can lead to years of psychotherapy or are the genesis for gender identity issues is small-minded at best and dangerous at worst.

I’m not saying that little boys go put on dresses or little girls go pick up a toy gun. All I’m saying, if they’re young and they want to why not? It is not the gender roles imposed on us by millennia of culture and society that make us who we are. And to say that cosmetics or fashion is a harbinger of a societal shift towards a liberal “celebration of transgendered children” (ahem “Dr.” Keith I’m looking at you) is silly and shows ignorance of history. Centuries ago it was the men that were as peacocks with tons of make-up and incredibly elaborate clothing. Things that would be deemed effeminate today and thus condemned were normal years ago. So keep in mind styles and tastes change and do not mean more than the meaning we give them now.

The reaction from the conservative right was strong enough and lacking of both common sense and decency that it made me want to act and do something. I am a straight man that believes strongly in both women’s rights and gay rights. To me they are HUMAN rights.  Does that make me weak or less of a man? I have never thought so. I love all my friends regardless of sexual orientation because I believe love is universal and if we deny it to anyone we deny part of ourselves and demean ourselves in the process.

So what could I do?

Why paint my own toenails of course! And that I did. Luckily I have the love of a strong woman that believes as I do and was incredibly supportive of my decision to paint my own toenails a bright pink. She thought it was a great idea and even picked out a really shiny pink and painted my nails for me. It was fun! Here we were one evening; a straight couple having fun doing what others would say is gay or a cause of gender confusion.  I highly suggest others try this from time to time.

Because I was on vacation all of last week (which explains the lack of Sasquatch posts in that time, sorry!) and because in Florida that means sandals or bare feet, especially at the water parks, there was plenty of opportunity to show off my shiny pink nails! The reactions I got were fun and interesting to behold.

When I was with my lady holding hands people would look and their look of confusion was hilarious. Funny enough more than once it happened that she was blamed as the originator of the idea and that I was doing this to please her. The looks lost their confusion and became more judgmental when I was caught alone without her. Then I’m sure more than one person simply made the automatic assumption that I was gay. Because I live in the Orlando area and I was at Disney most of the time the reactions were only in stares and minimally invasive. Most of the questions came from our friends and once I explained my motives, to show that painting one’s nails does not make one gay or straight, most were on board.

This was a protest and experiment. I hope to be able to do it again not solely to provoke others, but to learn from their reactions and to hopefully open up some dialogue and perhaps to show that we need not fear a little nail polish. We are all people and embracing our differences makes us all stronger and makes the world a little better in the process.

This is love. No labels.