Jesus Saves! Cthulhu Raves!

So Jesus wanted to RAVE not SAVE!?! Ohhh I get it now...someone pass me a glowstick I'm about to have a religious experience! Christianity seems to me sometimes to be little more than a 2,000 year old game of Telephone.

Listen if Jesus were a super skilled ripped lifeguard that could swim in a triathlon and still knock out a shark at the end of the day and I happened to also be drowning in the deep end of the pool because I didn’t wait 30 minutes after my massive meatball sub and a swarm of piranhas that someone released was about to turn me into a nice biology class prop then yes, oh please yes I would need to be saved! However since that doesn’t usually happen, perhaps because most of those details were based on myth, fiction and outright lies I think it is safe to say I’m not in constant danger or need of “saving.” That question has always bothered the hell out of me, which is actually an ironic statement when you think about it since its hell that I am trying to be “saved” from. 

Hey Mr. Christian apologetic have you read that handy dandy book you have in your hand? Can you tell me why you pick and choose what to believe in and how hard? Perhaps animal sacrifice isn’t so cool anymore, but why do you still get a hard-on when talking about the end of the world complete with oceans of blood and mountains of (human) dead? Oh its cool you say, that if I believe then God will save me from that awful fate? Well Mr. Christian apologist I have two words for you…fuck off! Ok not really, I won’t actually say that to you. I’ll probably say something more like “good to know, thanks!” Make no doubt I’m thinking “fuck off!” If God is like the one you describe in your book, especially with all that apocalypse shit all I can say is: What. A. Dick! I’d rather play cards with the devil even if he is a bastard and a cheater. At least he wouldn’t be as cold-blooded a douche as THAT God that decides on a whim to end the world in a tidal wave of blood, fire, and destruction.

Cthulhu-Jesus reigns, saves AND raves.

Now here I seem like a crazy atheist that condemns hate as he himself hates. Au contraire mon ami, you see I believe in God with all my heart and soul. I believe He is real and He is the creator of the universe. The entire universe mind you, not just this tiny planet. He is so much more than I can ever even attempt to quantify. So I don’t. He is. I am not He. That’s all I need to know. Morality comes from the heart and love which I also believe is a manifestation of the divine will. Why else do we universally believe it is wrong to murder?

Love to me is the underpinning of Christianity and indeed any religion. Yes there is also a need and desire to understand the world, but love is the binding and driving force. Which is why one of the things that most angers me in this world is the use of love as a justification for doing the exact opposite.

“I love you therefore I hate.”

Today a friend of mine was unfriended on Facebook by someone saying that though they loved him they did not agree with his lifestyle. He is a gay man in a relationship healthier than perhaps 95% of any straight couple I know. Many of us were angered and a good deal of us laughed when we heard. It made me think. What God of love and wisdom would condemn love? I came to the conclusion that the exclusionary message of condemnation and hate is not only contrary to the spirit of the gospels, but also incompatible with a just and loving God. If the Deity is so far above me in wisdom, knowledge, and capacity to love, why then am I able to grasp that two people in love is to be lauded and not shunned? If this poor uneducated monkey understands this why not then the master of the universe?

So of course the problem is not with God but rather with how some people view God. When the Lord of Hosts is on your side you can justify anything, right? Well I tell you what, I’d like to believe in a God that chooses right and is not as petty and homophobic as others make him out to be. Think about that for a moment. It as if God made a purple polka dot elephant and then proceeded to hate it simply because it was not like the other elephants. Really? That God is not only petty; he’s also stupid and retarded. I like to give the big guy just a wee bit more credit.

There are those that tell me to read the Bible, that the word of God is eternal and binding. Perhaps I love circular logic as much as the next guy, but to them I ask, where in that Bible will I find dinosaurs? More on THAT later…

(Originally posted March 8 , 2011)